Behind these hazel eyes
by alexmonalisa
Summary: Sooner or later you have to realise that sorry doesn't make the pain go away.' ONE-SHOT. Rogue stopped crying a long time ago. Sequel now up cause you asked nicely.


A/N: Okay, I feel kinda guilty about this but to be fair I was listening to music while writing the last few chapters of jealousy when this song came up. When I went to search for the song I realised no one had done this and decided it had to be done. So one-shot because I really have to.

After X2 (AU) but Jean isn't dead.

[lyrics]

[Seems like just yesterday  
You were a part of me  
I used to stand so tall  
I used to be so strong  
Your arms around me tight  
Everything, it felt so right  
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong]

Rogue sat on her bed pressing her temples. Her powers were going haywire again. She learned to control them to an extent but whenever she became stressed out they would fade completely or amplify. Either way she started to become withdrawn from everyone. She sighed giving up. She really wanted her powers to come back. She was feeling alone today and for once actually wanted to hear any faint voice at the back of her head. It had been awhile since she'd touched Logan. She wasn't so weak anymore that she always needed his healing power. Thanks to him and his training. Since Logan started training the junior x-men, they found themselves winning more battles. She also found herself becoming closer to him. And he even stopped calling her kid. He wasn't even afraid to hug her anymore. For once she felt like nothing could go wrong. That was until Jean noticed too that Logan was staying. Then it was back to kid and the shameless flirting began. And then that day when she had caught them kissing in an empty class. About two days ago. She hadn't told anyone although they knew, what with her powers going crazy.

[Now I can't breathe  
No, I can't sleep  
I'm barely hanging on]

She took a deep shaky breath trying to steady herself but there was a terrible pain in her chest. She raked her hand through her hair. She glanced in the mirror. Her hair seemed to be taking on a life of it's own. Her eyes were circled with a pale purple and her face beyond pale. She looked like the living dead. There was a knock on the door. She ignored although she knew they'd probably come find her sometime. The knocking became louder.

'What!'

'Rogue, it's Storm. I'd like you to come to the infirmary. Just so Jean can check up on you.'

Rogue cringed inwardly at having to have Jean touch her. She looked around and grabbed a pair of jeans. She pulled them on and then put on a green shirt. She whipped the door open and glared at Storm.

'I'm not five, I'll go by myself.' She snapped.

She trudged passed Storm not caring about her shocked reaction. She passed some students on her way, all moving back to give her a wide berth.

'Hey, Rogue!'

She carried on walking. She felt a hand on her shoulder.

'Let go, Bobby.'

'What's wrong? Please tell me. I'm worried about you.'

'You don't need to. We're just friends. Remember?'

'Rogue…'

'Leave me alone!'

She wrenched herself from him and punched the elevator button. The doors closed and it slowly descended. She closed her eyes and took another breath. As the door opened she walked slowly toward the med-bay. But she stopped as she saw who was in the room. Jean and Logan were standing in the room. It was obvious they were just talking but their lower bodies were pushed against each other. Logan stopped suddenly and she tore off toward the danger room.

[Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes]

She stopped at the danger room. Unfortunately someone seemed to be using it. She cursed and mumbled darkly as she headed to the elevator. Maybe she should go see Jean later. Or never. Either way. She felt him approach her and she tightened her hand into a fist. The elevator opened and she climbed in. He climbed beside her. She wrapped her arms around her chest trying to keep the pain from increasing.

'Hey Marie.'

She didn't answer. She stared pointedly at a spot on the floor.

'Kid, are you okay?'

'Fine.' She spat.

'You don't look fine.'

'Like you care.'

The elevator doors opened and she ran out before he had time to answer. She headed outside running as fast as she could. She should have gone on that mission with Scott and the professor. Why did she stay? Oh yeah, Mr. metal over there.

[I told you everything  
Opened up and let you in  
You made me feel alright  
For once in my life]

She found herself in her room again. Though it seemed she could walk anywhere and he'd still follow. Even when she'd hung out in the girls' bathroom he hovered outside. She growled as he stepped in and closed the door.

'Why are you following me?'

'Marie, I want you to tell me what's wrong.'

'No.'

'Come on kid, you know you can talk to me.'

That's how it was wasn't it. She could tell him everything and he'd make it all go away. But not now. She shook her head. It felt weird. She looked at him and all she could see was him and Jean. It made her sick.

'I have a class to cover.'

She stood up and gathered her notes. She brushed passed him careful not to touch. Powers or no powers she didn't want to. She hoped he'd give up and leave her alone.

[Now all that's left of me  
Is what I pretend to be  
So together, but so broken up inside]

'I'm sorry I was so rude. I never meant to snap at you.'

Storm smiled and gave her a quick hug.

'As long as you're okay.'

'Yeah I'm great. So I've set them the work the professor left. Will he be back soon?'

'Tomorrow actually. Why did you want to see him?'

'No, just wondering.'

Her arms came around her chest as she held herself. Storm frowned. Rogue shook her head.

'I haven't eaten yet. I'll just head off to the kitchen.'

'Well. Okay. Why don't you join me for tea later in my garden.'

'Sure, I'd love that.'

Storm nodded and headed off. Rogue took a deep breath before heading back to her room. Her headache was building up. But she'd finally decided what to do. Luckily it seemed Logan had given up on following her.

['Cause I can't breathe  
No, I can't sleep  
I'm barely hangin' on]

She sat on her bed and looked at her now packed bag. One solution. She'd leave. She'd left a note for the professor and another for Storm. She felt too suffocated staying here. She looked at the time. Seven. Everyone would be having dinner. Giving her the perfect time to sneak away. She took one last look at her room before grabbing her bag and walking out. She headed downstairs. She smiled as the door came into view. Soon she'd be able to live again.

'Leaving?'

She stopped and dropped her bag. Anger boiled through her. As if he had the right.

[Swallow me then spit me out  
For hating you, I blame myself  
Seeing you it kills me now  
No, I don't cry on the outside  
Anymore...]

'Obviously.' She whispered.

'Why?'

'What do you mean why?'

'This is your home.'

'No, it's not home. If this was home I wouldn't feel like I don't belong.'

'You do belong.'

His hand was on her shoulder. She began to shake with fury.

'Don't. Touch. Me.'

'You can control your powers.'

'No, I can't. They're going on and off.'

'Since when?'

'Two days ago.'

She turned around to look at him. He was frowning. Just looking at him made the pain increase. His eyes met hers and realisation dawned on him. She picked up her bag one hand still across her chest. He reached out and pulled her into a hug. She kept still. It seemed to last awhile. Soon he moved back but kept his hands on her shoulders so he could look at her.

'What Logan? Is this the part where I tell you I forgive you? Where I cry and fall helplessly in your arms. Where I admit that I loved you and always have. Sorry but I haven't cried in a long time. Not on the outside.'

She stepped back. His arms dropped to his side.

'Rogue don't this…'

'I'm not. I don't expect anything from you.'

'I love her.'

Her head snapped up. When she spoke she told him actually what her heart had been crying out.

'Here I am, once again, I'm torn into pieces. Can't deny it, can't pretend, just thought you were the one.'

'Marie…' he whispered.  
'Broken up, deep inside, but you won't get to see the tears I cry. Behind these hazel eyes'

She turned and walked out. He didn't stop her. She continued walking. As she left the school gates, she felt she could breathe again. She kept on walking and never looked back.


End file.
